The Blob

 Does anyone remember the Sci-fi movie from 1958 titled The Blob? To this day I still remember it. It was about some gelatinous glob of goo that fell from outer space and engulfed everyone it encountered. It had no real shape, just kind of round and red and gooey and it had the ability to come up through the drains of bathtubs and even through transistor radios or under doors. It moved painfully slow, so I don't know why it managed to catch so many people off guard, but it did. It probably would have had a heyday at a nursing home.

I was six years old at the time that the movie came out, and for reasons beyond me, my dad thought it would be a good idea to take me and my older brother to the drive-in movie to watch it. Forget going to watch Bambi or some kids show.  I was terrified of the bathtub for several weeks, certain that the blob would come through the drain and eat me when I was distracted by my toys. I  kept a close watch on the transistor radio on the kitchen counter too. I was certain that the damn thing could squeeze through the holes of the speaker. If there was too much static when Twilight Time started playing, I'd be running for the outside. You can't be too careful where the Blob is concerned.

The reason I'm mentioning it, is that after a long, rather boring winter, with access to more food than I've seen in forty-five years, I'm putting on some pounds. While I'm not hungry enough to eat anybody, I do appear rather gelatin like, especially around the middle, and I move at a snails pace.

When I stepped on the scale today and saw what it claimed I weigh, I was thinking that my body was kind of like a cheap steak... lots of fat and full of gristle with a few bones thrown in to give it some shape. On the rare occasions when I lose a pound or two, I feel like it's a cause for celebration. Bring out the cupcakes.

Several years ago there was some kind of advertisement on TV, about  Eugenics, I believe it was. Some old guy with grey hair was the the spokesperson. He had a body like a twenty year old Charles Atlas and had a lovely young gal hanging around him. He was bragging about his libido and she was confirming the fact that he was like a teen-age boy in the sack. I don't know how much money it cost to do the eugenics thing, but I'm pretty sure it cost more than the Weight Watchers program. Either way, I won't be participating in any weight loss schemes. I'm heading down to Hoonah next month, and it sounds like if there is any food for sale there, I won't be able to afford it anyway, so I guess I'll scrounge the beach for sea weed and cockles. Maybe I'll let the crows pick up the cockles and when they drop them on the concrete pier to break the shell, I'll swoop in real quick and steal them. Guaranteed to lose weight.

I recall visiting my folks down in Sarasota. I went for a walk along the beach  in the firm sand. I happened to look up in time to see some old fart strolling towards me. His skin was the color of aged leather, and he had white chest hair. On his arm was some young hot blonde. That in itself was a little odd, but I just figured she was a gold digger. What kind of startled me was that the cute young thing and the old geezer were both wearing thongs. I couldn't really enjoy looking at her because he distracted me. It was kind of gross. There should be a law against that. There was an entourage of young girls walking a few paces behind them with their phones out, laughing and pointing. I almost felt bad for him, but he was old enough to know better. I think I'd rather join the ranks of the portly American than suffer the humiliation of not knowing when it's time to hang up the sexy swim wear and find a spot under the beach umbrella with a cold drink.