Wilderness Blues- Ramblings from the Great Land

      Last weekend I took my grandson Dante' to Home Depot to buy some toilets. We left the store with not one, not two, but three "comfort" toilets. I should point out that Dante' is a bit of an expert when it comes to toilets. You would think that I would be since I've had so much more experience using them down through the years. However, he's worked as a plumber, so I trust his knowledge. I once had a plumber tell me that there were only two things you needed to know in order to be plumber- crap flows down hill and payday is Friday. I have a feeling he was over simplifying the job, otherwise more of us would be making the big bucks that plumbers make. There was nothing wrong with the toilets that we had, they were just too short. After my knee surgery, I had a toilet riser that I borrowed from a charity that carries all manner of things needed for folks who have had surgery, wheelchairs, walkers, toilet risers, canes, shower seats and I don't know what...

 Well, here it is, almost the end of another year, and what a year it's been. I suppose that  a lot of people would like to forget this year all together. It's been a rough one. I won't go into all the problems that we've faced, we all know what they are. I'll let Dave Barry, the humorist, give us his take on the year. The one he did for 2020 was worthy of a prize. It was incredibly long, but I had tears streaming down my face as I read it. Actually, I was at a loss as to what to write. Since the economy seems to be heading down the toilet, what better way to protect ourselves than a toilet seat cover? I didn't see any that had pictures of hundred dollar bills on them, but perhaps I didn't look far enough. I clicked on Amazon and was a little surprised to see all the ones that are available. As you can see, there are fluffy ones, which I guess would feel good if the toilet seat has a tendency to be cold. I remember my dad complaining about using the toilet a...

 In all my sixty nine years on this earth, I've never lived anywhere that had a septic system until we moved to Wasilla last year. I've lived on an end-time farm where we crapped in a fifty five gallon barrel and some unfortunate shmuck had to haul it away on a heavy metal sled driven by horses or tractor. Sometimes that schmuck was me. Not my favorite job. When I was in the navy, all the toilets flushed right into the very water that the ship was floating in. Fortunately the crap sank, unless someone had been eating a lot of really greasy food, but I don't even want to think about that. Everywhere else I lived, Ohio, Key West, Charleston, Hoonah, you went in, sat on the toilet, got relief and flushed all your troubles away, never to be seen or thought about again. However, in Wasilla, its a different story. I believe if you live in the city proper, you have a sewer system that flows through pipes and ultimately to a building where it's dealt with. However, we live on t...

For a number of years I avoided  having a cell phone. I didn't like the fact that everyone seemed to be connected to them like they were an integral part of their bodies. At the airport, as soon as people entered the terminal, out came the cell phones and they proceeded to call or text whomever. In the store I was privy to private or what should have been private conversations while I was checking out the baby carrots or cucumbers. On those occasions when I have to take a trip to Juneau on the ferry, it's not uncommon for three four or more conversations to be going on right in the main lounge, regardless of the time of day or night or who might be listening, intentionally or otherwise. I find cell phones very invasive. When we get together as a family during the holidays, cell phones seem to be part of the table setting,alongside the plates, silverware and napkins. Personally, I think people spend entirely too much time on them. That being said, several years ago when Jan ...

The other day my wife, Jan decided we needed a new toilet seat. I'm not sure why. The old one worked just fine, no splinters or anything, but nonetheless, she didn't like it, so we're now sporting a new one. With my arthritic back and knees, I was thinking that if it hasn't already been invented, a hydraulic toilet seat would really be nice. When you were done with your business, as soon as you flushed, the hydraulic rams would automatically kick in and lift your behind right off the potty. No doubt it's the next billion dollar idea.   I spent ten years at a farm here in Alaska where there were no indoor toilets. We all had some manner of honey bucket in our homes for use during the night. As I've mentioned before, I never really had to avail myself of those once we built our house out in the woods. My closest human neighbor was over a block away, and the squirrels, deer, martens, bears and other woodland creatures never lodged a complaint...

  When Jan and I bought this house years ago, we were a family of nine. Including Jan, there were six females trying to live in harmony in a home that had only one bathroom. For the life of me I don't know how we did it. Mornings were especially hectic as everyone had to try to get ready for school or work. Fortunately, if things got desperate the boys could step outside to the woods in back for some immediate relief if the bathroom was tied up. Our home was one of the original "war houses" that were diverted to Hoonah after the fire of 1944 burned down most of the town. I believe they were originally bound for Hawaii or some warmer climate. It runs in my mind that there wasn't any insulation in them when they were first installed. Of course it wouldn't be such a big deal if the average year round temperature was 75 or so, but it didn't work too well for Alaska. When we purchased the house, it had been remodeled recently with new plumbin...