Toilet Seat Covers

 Well, here it is, almost the end of another year, and what a year it's been. I suppose that  a lot of people would like to forget this year all together. It's been a rough one. I won't go into all the problems that we've faced, we all know what they are. I'll let Dave Barry, the humorist, give us his take on the year. The one he did for 2020 was worthy of a prize. It was incredibly long, but I had tears streaming down my face as I read it.

Actually, I was at a loss as to what to write. Since the economy seems to be heading down the toilet, what better way to protect ourselves than a toilet seat cover? I didn't see any that had pictures of hundred dollar bills on them, but perhaps I didn't look far enough. I clicked on Amazon and was a little surprised to see all the ones that are available. As you can see, there are fluffy ones, which I guess would feel good if the toilet seat has a tendency to be cold. I remember my dad complaining about using the toilet at a friend's house who had a toilet seat cover that was knit or whatever. He was mad because when he lifted the seat, right in the middle of taking a leak the seat would fall down and he would pee on his hand. I can see where that could get a guy a little upset. Really, what is the purpose of a toilet seat cover anyway?

In the top picture there is one that looks like a baby blanket with a  hole in it. I guess if you're really in to re-cycling you could turn all the little tyke's blankets into T/S covers. Just make sure you're done having kids. Right beside it are some flowered covers from the Fluffy Toilet Seat Company. How would you like to be the person answering the phone there? These look like table cloths. Maybe that's what happens to all the table cloths that don't sell at the Dollar Stores. Why let them go to waste? A nice floral toilet seat cover makes you feel like you're in summer garden even in the middle of winter. Then there is the ever popular Great White Shark toilet seat cover. Make sure you don't buy this if your trying to potty train your young child. It's probably not a good idea if you're putting on a party where there will be a quantity of booze being served either. Nothing says "have a seat" like the open maw of a tooth filled shark. I guess it goes to show that sharks will eat anything.

The second picture is a little bizarre as well. The first cover shown looks like maybe someone's grandma knit it. My daughter knows how to knit. I wonder if she can make me one. If it was made out of wool yarn, there would be no temptation to sit too long. The itching would be unbearable. I'm  not sure what the next picture is. It looks like a sheet of Saran Wrap  stretched over the toilet seat. Maybe you have to punch your own hole in it. Probably some cheap Chinese knock off. Then you have the standard, government issue paper cover that is miraculously supposed to keep all manner of germs off your bum. It's so thin you could read a book through it. Use it at your own risk. The orange one with the hole the size of a quarter kind of baffles me. Is it for men to see if they can aim for the center when they take a leak or what? If you're sitting on it, you want to make sure certain parts of your anatomy are strategically placed, or you're in for an unpleasant surprise. Then there's good ol' St. Nick. Really? What did Santa Claus ever do to you?  You're going to be delivering gifts here that no one wants, much less Santa. Oh well.

Last, but not least is the main reason I wanted to do this post. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it's the end of the year, and I'm an old man and I forget what I've written, so bear with me. This takes a little visualization on your part. Take a good look at the third picture. Some years back I was in the Juneau International Airport. I'd just flown in and I had to take a leak. When I entered the room, the nearest stall door was open. Hanging on the back wall was a box of toilet seat covers that looked exactly like the seat shown. Above the box someone had written on the wall - Free Cowboy Hats. I so wanted to try one on and see if I looked like a cowboy,  but I opted out. I'll probably never get another chance. Oh well.

I'll leave you with this final thought. If you're somewhere that toilet seat covers are available, at least the disposable kind, you might want to see if you can hold it until you reach you final destination. Just saying. 

Have a safe and Happy New Year. Lets hope things get better soon.