Saturday, January 19, 2013
Beauty and Buffoonery
Without fail, whenever I answer the phone and my daughter Jen is on the line, her first words are "Hi Dad," and the second phrase is "What are you doing?" I don't know what her response would be if I told her that I had installed a telephone in the bathroom and was talking to her while I was sitting on the john. I kind of doubt that she would even hang up-she would probably be silent for a minute while she thought of how to respond to that situation and then I think she would ask if I wanted to go on a walk later. It could be blowing a gale with sleet and tree branches being torn from their mooring and she would want to go on a walk. As you can see, on this particular day, I think it may have been January 1 of this year, the sun happened to be shining. I think it was the last time I saw it until today- eighteen days later. Anyway, it was too nice of a day to stay inside so I decided to go with Autumn and Jen out to the cannery. They had convinced me that all the ice had melted on the sidewalks and it was safe to walk....hmmm, not totally true. I started down the sidewalk until I got to a place of no return, with a guardrail on one side of the sidewalk and a snow berm on the other and as soon as the sidewalk started sloping down like a ski jump, there was a layer of ice. Fortunately I managed to stay on my feet with some deft maneuvering on my part. Had I fallen down and cracked my skull, they would have shown adequate concern for me before launching into uncontrollable laughter. As we walked along I showed them various ways of making forward progress in difficult situations. Last year when I had a bout of Plantars Fascitus I had to drag my bum foot in a skiing motion across the snow, which of course Jen thought was hilarious. Never once do I recall laughing at her when she tore her meniscus, but let me have a bout of physical discomfort and it's a source of great humor. I'm so like Rodney Dangerfield with my family- I don't get no respect. Anyway, I was demonstrating to the girls the various ways to walk- leaning forward with arms outstretched in a strong headwind, leaning back when the wind is behind you so you can take full advantage of the pressure, a foot-slapping walk when you need to rest from the regular gate on a long walk, a small stepping, little Oriental lady walk when you're going down hill on ice- it also works when you have a Pepto Bismol moment and the urge to go hits you like a ton of bricks and you don't want to take big steps for fear of unleashing the hounds. There are other steps I showed them that they probably shouldn't emulate unless they want to suffer complete humiliation should any passing cars see them doing it. In the second picture, judging by their posture, I believe the girls were in the process of practicing some of the steps I showed them. I stand corrected. Jen just came by the Botts Family Grocery to "borrow" some mayonnaise for tarter sauce. Anyway, she said in the second picture she had just blown her nose and wanted Autumn to check that no residue was clinging to her face. Alrighty then!