The Three Stages of Neck Pillows

At one time we had nine souls living in this small house. Nine. That's no small number even if you had a place as big as Michael Jackson's. Of course this home doesn't even remotely resemble a mansion, so as you can imagine, it got crowded. With nine people, you  have nine people's belongings. Some of them were treasures and some was junk, but somehow we made room for it all. What is truly amazing to me is that now that there is only Jan and I here, it still looks like we have nine people living here. There isn't a flat surface anywhere in the house that isn't cluttered with some manner of stuff... magazines, cooking utensils, plants and paperwork to name just some. Part of the reason we have so much stuff is that the kids, being the generous folks they are, periodically send us something they think we'll enjoy. The most recent gifts came from my youngest daughter Autumn. The coffee I love, and Jan really likes the candy. I think she's given up on dieting because she's constantly bombarded by well meaning friends and family members who can't imagine life without chocolate. However, the neck pillows are a mystery to me. I guess you use them, if you have the guts to, whenever you fly. They're probably a mainstay for the folks in first class. I only fly out of the state about once every three years, so in the interim I have to find a place for them. I thought about sticking one around my eyes like that blind guy, Jordy, on Star Trek, the Next Generation. Then if I'm trying to take a nap during the day it would keep the sun out, in the unlikely event the sun was shining. Then I thought, I guess I could sew the ends together and sit on it if my hemorrhoids were to flare up. They feel kind of cushiony. I finally figured I better give them a try for their intended purpose just to see how they would feel.
Stage One. I was happy as a clam at high tide. Or maybe Jan just told me to smile.
Stage Two. Reality was starting to set in. Those blasted tags were irritating.
Stage Three. I felt like the neck pillows were made of sandpaper and were filled with stinging nettles fibers and burrs. To make matters worse, Jan said it looked like a head was sticking out of a tablecloth. Upon closer examination, I couldn't agree more. However, it should be noted;she bought me that shirt, perhaps thinking that at my present rate of expansion I would fill it out completely by the end of the year, but its September, and there's still lots of room to spare. The last picture reminds me of a friend from Game Creek, Matt Ortega. He used to be a driver for one of the apostle's sisters. The way he told it, she was pretty heavy and sounded like she had breathing problems, but whenever they got within sight of  a Mc Donald's she would direct him to go there so she could get a cheeseburger. When he was telling the story he made a face similar to the one I displayed there. It always got a laugh. With no other form of entertainment on the farm, making fun of those in the ministry was high on the list of fun things to do. No doubt I'll have much to answer for one day.  Back to the neck pillows. I'm reminded of a Laural and Hardy movie. Ollie is in a hospital bed and Stan brings him hard boiled eggs and nuts as a gift. Ollie says "If you wanted to bring me something, why didn't you bring me some candy?" In any event, I don't want to appear to be an ungrateful buffoon. I do appreciate the gifts, but if I had my choice, I'd rather have hoochies.