The Show Off by T B Botts

 When I was a teen I spent a fair amount of time at the home of my best friend, Don Snyder. It was a lot more laid back and fun at his house than it was at mine. My dad had a temper and I was never sure what would set him off. Don's father, on the other hand, was more like an overgrown kid at times. He would often hear us sitting on the porch swing laughing and talking and come out and chuckle with us, or would give us a blank stare, shake his head and say "You rotten kids" as he walked off. Of course that would set off a fresh burst of laughter from the two of us. He was fun to be around. It wasn't uncommon for me to spend a Sunday afternoon at Don's house, especially in the winter. Don's mother would fix hot chocolate and we would all sit around watching TV with the lights off. His father would sit in his favorite recliner and make snide comments about whatever was playing on the television. Whenever he had something to say to us, he would always preface it with the phrase.. "You know boys.." And would expound on some matter, usually something that would cause us to crack up. I was visiting Don one cold winter day; we were sitting on the couch and Mr. Snyder was leaning back in his recliner. We were watching some weird show about a wizard that wanted a ring that a girl had possession of. Mrs. Snyder had just delivered a cup of hot coffee to her husband. He sat up to receive it and then reclined again. As usual, he tried to make an impression on us. "You know boys," he said," you boys like to make fun of this fat gut of mine, but it comes in pretty handy at times. I don't need to hold this cup, it just rests right on top my gut. Let's see you try doing that." We both looked over and agreed that neither of us could perform such a feat. About that time on the TV, the wizard, who wanted the ring which the girl had in her possession,  was using his magic wand to make his fingers long enough to go under the door and into the bedroom where the gal with the ring was sleeping. He was feeling around on the nightstand trying to locate the ring when the girl woke up and took a candle and burned his hand. He was trying to retract his hand, moving the wand rapidly back and forth. The whole scene was pretty hilarious, and Mr. Snyder started laughing. Then all of a sudden we heard a loud shriek. "Oh Jesus!" We turned on the light and saw Don's dad sitting up, with the coffee cup on the floor and a brown stain on his brilliant white shirt running from his stomach to his neck. He quickly peeled off his shirt and t-shirt, to reveal a red streak running the length of his trunk. Humiliated, he got up and started walking away. " Aw hell", he said, "I'm going to go upstairs and sulk." As soon as he was out of earshot, we burst out laughing like two hyenas being tickled with feathers. Fortunately the coffee wasn't too hot and he didn't suffer anything more than a bruised ego. Of course it provided us with yet another story to laugh about. We weren't even out of our teens and we were establishing an arsenal of humorous tales to relive, thanks in part to his dad.