Monday, February 13, 2017

Special Blends

  Flavored coffees are all the rage  nowadays. Even here in Hoonah you can buy all manner of exotic blends of coffee.  For Christmas Jan and I received some Heritage Coffee that had coconut flavor added to the beans. I usually shy away from fancy things like that. I'm pretty much a dyed in the wool Folgers guy- nothing fancy for me. However, I really enjoyed that coconut flavor, so much so that I recently purchased another bag of beans for an exorbitant price. Last week I was at my daughter Jen's house for dinner. After the meal she offered me a cup of coffee- nothing unusual there. My biggest complaint with her coffee is that she usually makes it stronger than I care for. By the time I get done drinking it, I have another mustache growing on the inside of my mouth. Jan and Jennifer were playing cards after dinner, and I was trying to enjoy a show on TV. It's not all that unusual for me to have to get up during a commercial to take a leak. I might go several times in the course of a few hours, depending on what I've had to drink; but that particular night, I think I had to run to the bathroom about four or five times. It started me thinking about what brand of coffee she had served. Though to the best of my knowledge, there is no such brand yet, I wondered about marketing a blend of coffee that would encourage even more urination than normal. Perhaps it would come in handy if you were trying to lose a few pounds before a weekend date, or if you were a wrestler and needed to cut weight, or you were heading in to face the doctor for a physical and wanted him to believe that you had actually been following his advise about dieting. I think an appropriate name for such a blend of coffee would be BLADDER TICKLER. I kind of doubt if Starbucks would carry it, although they would probably try to market their own brand, something like Starbucks Wee Wee or some such thing. If you happened to have an obnoxious guest who didn't know when to leave, just serve them a big cup of Tickler and make funny faces every time they got up to go to the bathroom. It wouldn't be long before they felt compelled to leave. It's not the kind of beverage that you would want to imbibe on a long road trip, unless of course you were on a quest to check out all the road side rest stops on I-95.For those folks who may suffer with constipation on a regular basis, perhaps a cup of BOWEL TICKLER would be in order. A few cups of this and before you knew it, the pipes would be as clean as a whistle.Again, you might want to give it some thought before you drank a few cups. It's the kind of thing that you might want to wait to try until you were home for  a weekend- just to play it safe.  Lets just say you had the opposite problem, maybe something like Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That could really ruin a date. If that's your problem, brew up a pot of CLOG. A cup or two of that and you won't need to worry if you're stuck in an L A traffic jam for the whole day. You'd be good to go- or not go as the case may be. With the frequent incidents of planes being stuck on the tarmac in these modern times, it might be something that the airlines would want to consider as a complimentary drink when the passengers first board, just in case. Rather than subject all your paying customers with overflowing airplane toilets, a cup or two of Clog could prevent an already irritating problem from turning into an all out rebellion on board. Frankly, with all the great ideas that I have, I don't know why I'm not a millionaire.


  1. Hilarious blog dad. I loved it, Camille

  2. HI Camille, glad you liked it. I don't know where all these great ideas come from, but some day I'm going to have to market them.

  3. CLOG! Love it. I say you're a genious. -Shannon

    1. Hi Shannon- I only wish I was, but I'm glad you like it.