I've Got A Cold!!!

  I've got a cold, and let me tell you, it's a doozey. When it comes to getting ill, I don't like to mess around. I like to go all out and feel really miserable. Of course that comes with lots of moans, groans and general overall complaining. That way those around me can share in my suffering. I felt it coming on a few days ago. I was pretty much expecting it- Jan came home a few weeks ago with all the symptoms, and as time progressed she just got worse. Finally she got so bad she had to stay home from work for a few days. That's when I accepted the fact that I'd be the unhappy recipient of some of her germs and it was only a matter of time before it became a full blown cold. I tried to stave it off by popping some Zicam. It's supposed to prevent or at least lessen any cold you might get. I guess it worked for awhile. Who knows, maybe I wasn't diligent in my regimen and skipped a few tablets, I don't know. Anyway, I've got it now and I am NOT a happy camper.  You know the drill- the sneezing, coughing, runny nose, watery eyes. I also have joints that ache and of course I'm tired because I spent most of my night either trying to entice some air up my nostrils or coughing. This morning my stomach feels like I've done a thousand sit-ups. Of course my nose is getting raw from blowing it so much. If I didn't know better, I would suspect that someone had substituted my tissues with Brillo Pads. As you can see from the above picture,  I have all the makings of a cold rescue kit. Some Powerade, Halls cough drops, Puff's tissues, water, a packet of EmergenC and a couple of bibles so I can pray for strength to make it through this misery. If nothing else I can compare my troubles with that of Job and they don't seem quite so bad. One thing about being sick, you have a lot of time to think. Of course depending on whether or not you have  a fever, the thoughts can be productive or really off the wall. I like to think that my thoughts are productive. For instance, to solve the problem of a stuffed up nose, which always seems to get worse at bed time, I thought, why not invent a pair of nose funnels? Like all funnels, they would start large at one end and taper down at the other.The difference would be that there would be two  tapered ends. Perhaps a small fan could be installed in the large end of the funnel to help force air into your nasal cavities. You could get different sizes to fit whatever size nostrils you have. If you had a nose like,say, Jimmy Durante, who used to call himself the schnoz, you would purchase the magnum size. If you were like some ladies I've seen, whose nostrils seem to be almost pinched together to the point where you wonder if any air gets up there ever, or if perhaps their noses are just on their faces for decoration, you could buy the petite size.If you're like me, another common problem when you have a cold is the incessant flow from your nasal passages. With as much as my nose runs, I half expect to see that my head has shrank a few sizes by morning. Lord knows how many boxes of tissues I go through while waiting for a cold to run it's course. I think I have an answer to that problem. Nasal Sponges. Of course they would have to be soft and pliable right from the package. You wouldn't want to try shoving something as stiff as cardboard up your already inflamed nostrils. In order to ease the process of inserting them, and of course taking them out later, the sponges would have to be attached to a soft paper stick, much like the ones you find on Tootsie Roll Pops. This product is one that you should probably only use at home. It probably wouldn't go over very well if you were on a date and the sticks from the Nasal Sponges were protruding from your nose. Now, some people may find that attractive, maybe even sexy, but I don't know anyone like that, and I hope you don't either. Of course, needless to say, that would also apply if you were about to give a presentation to a group of clients or were in a boardroom or classroom. While a bunch of third graders might consider you the coolest teacher ever, management might not approve. OK. There you have it. I'm hoping that someone will take these great ideas and run with them. If you do, and they're a raging success, please remember where the ideas came from and drop a few dollars off for me.