Saturday, April 11, 2009

Tomorrow is Easter

It's hard to believe, but tomorrow is Easter. This will be the thirty second one here in Alaska. It certainly wasn't my intention to spend most of my life here. I keep thinking that one of these days I'll go somewhere else- someplace where the sun shines more and you could have a little plot of land where you could grow tomatoes and cucumbers and maybe even sun flowers.
My friend, Buffalo Bob, keeps telling me I have to get out of here. Part of me really wants to go, but I don't know where to go and I don't know what I would do when I got there. Time is working against me. I'm getting older but apparently no wiser. I'm a prisoner to my thoughts. Every time I think that maybe I should check out this area or that area, I start thinking about all the things that might be wrong with it. Too much traffic. I'd have to pay property tax. (Something we don't have here in Hoonah) The neighbors might be jerks. No work. The list goes on and on. So, instead of making a move, I sit here stagnating- wishing I had the courage to grab the bull by the horns and just go for it. I'm playing it safe, but am I really living? I know that in this economy there are multitudes of people who would love to have what I have, but somehow that knowlege doesn't satisfy me. So here I am. Another holiday is upon me and I wonder how that is possible. Another year has gone by. I guess my greatest fear is that one day I'll look back and wonder what might have been if only I'd stretched my faith a little bit. Maybe I would fail, but maybe, just maybe I would discover something so wonderful that it would bogggle my mind and I would wonder what I was waiting for. I don't know what it is that will motivate me to make the move. Maybe it will be the need to be closer to a hospital or the unwillingness to shovel another scoop of snow or tolerate one more long, dark winter, but I'm certain that one day I'll be celebrating Easter and maybe a few other holidays elsewhere.

1 comment:

  1. Tom, you're not alone in trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life and where. It's amazing how fast the years fly by, so I think we do have to keep faith and take the leaps and chance the failures. Keep an open heart and mind.