Extreme Motion Pants

 

After I took a shower today, I got a pair of jeans out of the closet. As I was putting them on, I realized that  jeans aren't the same as they used to be. For one thing, they're consarned expensive. I don't think they last as long as they used to either, but that's a story for another day.

 

I looked inside the waistband before I donned them and noticed that they were Extreme Motion jeans by Lee. What that basically means is that they've made them a little stretchy at the top, so that, I guess, if you eat too much, you don't get too uncomfortable and feel like you've got to unbutton your pants. Personally I've never done that, even after a Thanksgiving meal, but I believe some fellows do. I'm not sure how far they will expand. I suppose I really don't want to test the limits though. 

 

I do enjoy having a little stretch to the waistband. I've lost a few pounds that I never should have found to begin with, but its good to know that if they come back, I'm not going to have to rush out and get some more pants to wear. I used to wear Carhartts all the time when I was fishing. They were advertized as being able to withstand the claws or teeth of a Grizzly bear, and frankly, they might have. Fortunately, I never found out. They had rivets on the pockets and a few other places and they were the ultimate in manly pants. They even had a loop to hang a hammer if you wanted one banging against the side of your leg when you were walking. I can promise you, no one wants to mess around with a guy who has a hammer hanging off his pants. It looks pretty cool.

 

Anyway, back to my Lee's Exteme Motion. What do I need extreme motion for? What do they think I'm going to be doing when I'm wearing my jeans? I guess one could wear them if they were mountain climbing or roller blading, but for every day use, why do I need them? About the only exteme motion I have is running to the bathroom. Damned prostate.

 

Exteme Motion sounds like what you'd want to wear if you were making an appearance on Dancing With the Stars. Perhaps if you had to climb up and down a ladder all day they would come in handy. I just had a thought. If you were skydiving, and the chute didn't open, you could take off your Exteme Motion jeans and use them to capture more air. Just tie the pant legs shut so that the air doesn't escape and you're all set. They may not work as good as a parachute, but don't think about that on the way down. That extra elastic that they've woven in to the fabric could be a life saver. You'd be darned glad you weren't wearing Carhartts then. A hammer won't help much when you're falling out of the sky.