Manly Tasks

 I'm sure most of you have heard of a bender, you know, a wild drinking spree? Well, lately I've been on a spender. Money seems to be running through my fingers like water. For example, Jan and I were with our youngest daughter, Autumn, a few weeks ago. Jan wanted to buy me a recliner for Christmas, which is kind of early, but as it turned out, they didn't have the color I wanted in stock so it was good we ordered it when we did. On the way home I happened to mention that I needed an air compressor. The tires on the garden cart, the two wheel dolly and the snow blower were all in desperate need of air. I tried to move a huge pot of flowers from the front of the house to the side with the two wheel cart and just about got a hernia. The tires were so flat it was like not having wheels at all.

Autumn checked on her phone and discovered that Lowes had compressors on sale for $99.00 so I picked one up that evening. What they don't tell you is that they don't come with any of the accessories, so unless you just want a tank of air for some unknown reason, you have to spend an extra $24.95 so the compressor you bought has some useable function. The hits just keep on coming.

 The next day Jan had asked me to vacuum the living room, but by the time I returned from the post office, she was asleep in the chair. I couldn't very well vacuum, so I opted to go to the garage and put together my new compressor.

You would think the thing would come fully assembled, but you'd be wrong, just like me. The handle and the screws to attach the handle were in a separate bag. It says in the instructions to use a screw driver. OK fine. I looked at the screws and they needed a Torx type of screw driver, which I didn't have, so I had to dig out the drill. I managed to find the right bit, but of course it wasn't long enough to insert the screws fully in.  I had to fiddle around and pull the bit most of the way out of the drill to make it work. What a pain where a pill won't reach. It's never anything simple with me.

In another bag there was a nozzle to blow air, one to fill tires, a tire gauge, a needle for filling balls, which by the way, the instructions mention not to use. Apparently you could explode the ball. Go figure. There were also some other fittings I'm not sure of and some teflon tape so the air doesn't escape.

When I was young, I was always  in too much of a hurry to read the directions. Now that I'm mature, I read the directions after I discover that I don't know what I'm doing. I finally got the blasted thing all put together and turned it on. It worked perfectly, filling the tank with air just like it was supposed to, but when I tried filling the tires, no air came out. Now what? Good Lord in heaven!! Why can't I just be like every other guy? They seem to have talent for doing manly things. I'm a man. I have tools. I like women. What the hell is wrong with me? Apparently I'm missing the handyman gene or something. I re-read the instructions, which told me nothing I didn't already know; then I decided to turn the pressure valve past the point I'd turned it before. As a general rule, I usually manage to over tighten something and break it, or twist a cap on crooked or some such thing. In this case I thought, if I break it, I'll just take it back to Lowes and say the damn thing didn't work. I twisted the knob beyond where I thought was safe, and it worked. Miracles do still happen! Hallelujah!

I started filling the snow blower tires and got one tire filled when I thought I should probably see how much air it is supposed to have. I discovered it didn't need the almost twenty pounds I put in. It only required eight or ten pounds, so I had to get a screwdriver and let out some of the air. I went through the same procedure with the other one. I decided to check the recommended pressure for the garden cart. Of course I had to come in and check on the computer.  I managed to get all four tires pretty uniform. Its amazing how easily things move when there is air in the tires. Imagine round tires, what a concept!

I then decided to try the nozzle that blows air with the trigger. I opened the hood on my car and tried to blow out months worth of dust, but pretty much to no avail. While the hood was open I figured I'd fill the windshield washer fluid. No sense in wasting the effort of lifting the hood.

While I had the nozzle on, I decided to blow some of the leaves out of the garage. It did an OK job, not great, but I'm still getting the hang of this. After looking around, I decided there were no more jobs that required the air compressor, so I drained out the air, took off the hose, and stuffed the accessories back in a bag. I put the compressor back in the box it came in and tried to close the lid, but it wouldn't close because the stupid handle was in the way. You would think the manufacturer would spend an extra fifteen cents on a little more cardboard so you could close up the box, but noooooooo.... I can tell you this. I'm not taking that handle back off. It's going to stay right there until I manage to break it off somehow.

I honestly don't know how the simple task of filling a few tires with air can take up several hours of my day, but it happens. So ladies, if you husband goes to the garage to do a simple chore, and doesn't return for half the day, don't worry. He's doing manly tasks, and it takes time.