Chickadee Jerks

 

I think we could all pretty much agree that human beings have the ability to be world class jerks at times. It doesn't mean we're that way all the time, but when something doesn't go our way, we sometimes exhibit behavior that is less than stellar. A perfect example is when we get behind the wheel of our cars. The mild mannered neighbor down the street can turn into a jackass when he's sitting in a two thousand pound machine rocketing down the road at sixty five miles per hour. If someone pulls out in front of him or isn't going fast enough, or perhaps is tailgating, the transformation is akin to Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.

Would it surprise you though that humans aren't the only animals that behave badly? When I was living down south, I had a neighbor who kept a dog, a mongrel, that would bark uncontrollably whenever someone walked down the street past its yard. Fortunately it was fenced in. One day a fishing friend of mine named Bunny was walking down the road with his dog, Little Guy. Bunny stopped to talk to me, and the dog across the street went ballistic. Little Guy, a German Shepard, walked over, lifted his leg and peed on the other dog. It shut him up, but I thought it was rather rude behavior, even for a dog.

Last year, on the Channel Two News out of Anchorage, I saw a video of a lady walking down the street, close to downtown Anchorage. She had her dog with her on the sidewalk. A moose, enjoying the easy traveling on the sidewalk, came up behind her, knocked her down and then kicked her as it passed. Fortunately she wasn't hurt. I think the dog was OK too, but why the kick afterwards?

When we were living out at the farm, there was a black mustang named Sunshine. I don't know who named him that; a better name would have been Spawn of Satan or Demon Possessed or some such thing. That sapsucker was mean. We had a green house that had been made out of steel beams covered in thick plastic. It looked like a Quonset hut.  It was big, about forty feet long. Because of the short growing season, it was necessary to start a lot of the plants inside the greenhouse, and some, like the tomatoes grew there from start to finish. My wife was looking out the window one day and watched Sunshine take a big stick in his mouth and start walking down the length of the greenhouse poking holes in the plastic. What would have possessed a horse to do such a thing? I've no idea.

I didn't trust that horse. I came in from town one day, and after I had anchored my boat at the point, I had to walk a mile or so across the mudflats to the camp. When I rounded the corner, I saw Sunshine eating some beach asparagus on the mudflats. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me and it appeared that he was going to come over and cause trouble. Fortunately I found a big stick of my own and waved it at him. I'm sure he was weighing the joy he would get from trying to bite me against what I would do to him with that stick and decided to go back to eating. I kept the stick with me all the way in to camp, and frankly, I kept looking behind me, in case he tried sneaking up.

One final example. I like to feed the birds. With all the really cold weather and the snow here in Alaska, especially this year, I've felt bad for them. There was too much snow to get to the feeder out back or the one on the side of the house, so against my better judgement, I started feeding them on the front porch railing. What a mistake that is. Apparently they have discerning tastes, and will kick off anything they don't like onto the floor. My porch floor is about two inches deep in sunflower seeds, and bits of corn and millet. I don't even bother to put out thistle seed for them. For reasons unknown they like the sunflower kernels but not the whole seeds. In fact I've had to put the kernels through the coffee grinder so they'll eat them. They're really spoiled. I'm starting to spend more on bird seed than I am on fresh produce. Even with that, you would think that they would have the decency not to crap on the porch, but no such luck. They can get nasty with each other too, fighting pretty viciously if one gets too close or is eating seed where another one wants to be. I'm certainly not going to go out there and try to be a referee, they might beat me up. I can almost guarantee that come spring, none of them will volunteer to help paint the porch, they'll leave that to me.  I will say this;  I'm glad they don't drive cars.