The Big Bang

One look at the ingredients in the two bowls, and most people will say something like, "surely you aren't going to eat that." Or, "choose one or the other." Not me though. Oh no, Brainiac looks at them and says, "Yum!"  It's not until about  half way through, when I've had a chance to think about the consequences of my actions, that I start to worry that I may have made a mistake.

 For those that can't see what I've taken a picture of, one container has sauerkraut and pork and the other has ham and bean soup. Either one can produce enough gas to power a Ford 150 truck three miles down the road at sixty miles an hour. Combined, its like adding dynamite to nitro glycerin. Did that stop me though? Of course not. Do mad scientists every stop to think about the consequences? If they did, they might not be considered mad.

While I was still spooning the soup up to my mouth I was wondering how bad it was going to be. Of course I didn't even stop to consider Jan's feelings. She was out shopping when I made the fateful decision to eat both at one sitting. She might have convinced me not to even consider it, but she wasn't here. Oh well. Usually folks have that still, small voice in their heads that warn against stupid decisions, but most days, mine is napping. I think it's only awake when I go to sleep. A lot of good it does me then.

In any event, I went ahead and ate the whole mess and waited for the fireworks to start. At any moment I was expecting a blast that would rival the Hindenburg explosion. Throughout the afternoon my guts were gurgling, and there was the usual amount of gas that worked it's way out my anal orifice, but I didn't blow anything out, which I was really thankful for. I had visions of a cartoon that I had seen of a fellow strapped onto his toilet seat , hanging on to the sides of the bowl with both hands, with fire shooting out of the bottom of the commode and it was lifting off the floor. Needless to say I avoided any open flames.

I went to bed that night, fully anticipating a battle of the bowels, but I don't recall any serious issue. I admit that I dreamed that I had heard thunder during the night, but that made no sense. The sky was clear as a bell. Will I do something this stupid again? Maybe.