Good Lord, I'm Old!

 

I saw a T-shirt with this saying the other day. It kind of sums up how I feel some days. I know that I'm 70, and I feel like I'm 80, and I probably look like I'm 90 but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I'm an odd, old fart. I don't know how it happened, except that I wake up every day and the calendar has changed. I go in and do my thing in the morning,  and look in the mirror and wonder who the hell is staring back at me. The hair on top of my head is getting pretty thin, but the hair on my ears and eyebrows is as thick as a briar patch. I have to keep my eyebrows trimmed to keep them from poking me in the eye when I 'm driving. The ear hair just looks plain ridiculous. What is the purpose of it? Women don't have ear hair. I think my ears and nose are growing too. I remember seeing old guys when I was a kid and they kind of looked like Dumbo. Just having bigger ears doesn't mean you can hear better. It might be all the hair clogging the ear holes, I don't know. Next time I get a hair cut I'll have to see if I can hear any better. Speaking of haircuts, I think I should get a discount. There are less hairs to cut, and its much finer than it used to be. It's like paying for a five pound bag of sugar but only getting three pounds. There is less work involved, so how about a break? For some reason this T-shirt reminded me of one I saw years ago at Siesta Beach in Sarasota. There was some old fellow wearing a shirt that said something like- "They say memory is one of the first things to go, but I remember when, uh, when I uh, oh hell, forget it." I was laughing when I saw it. If someone is willing to wear a shirt like that, then they are doing it with the idea that people will be looking at them for awhile, at least as long as it takes to read. It's like a busty gal wearing a bikini. It takes a minute to take it all in sometimes, so don't get offended. I'm not sure if they offer these shirts in more than two sizes. Most of us old duffers either fit in an extra, extra, large, or a small. Either we're dealing with a beer gut the size of Mount Vesuvius or we've shrunk to the size of a twelve year old girl. It's all quite humiliating. That's probably why the bible says that a man's years are seventy on this earth, and eighty if he has the strength. Getting old is hard work. It's a full time job and the pay isn't that good.