Things Are GettingSquirrelly Around Here

  For most of the winter we've had an unwanted or at least uninvited guest. I have several feeders that I put out on the front porch for the birds, but obviously, birds aren't the only visitors we've had. In fact, when the birds dare to come to the feeders to grab a bite, the squirrel squeals and chatters and chases them off. He even gives the much larger crows what for. I don't mind having him so much, although maybe it's not a him and if that's the case, we may have mini- rodents running around here. That would not please me at all. A few years ago we had a squirrel in the house. He apparently liked the attic just fine, and every night I would be awakened to the little pitter-patter of tiny feet running across the bedroom ceiling. It was driving me nuts! I don't sleep good anyway, so I don't really relish an early morning wake up call from the local rodent. I bought some high pitch sound device that was supposed to scare them off, but of course that didn't work. I used to get the broom and pound on the ceiling, like I was trying to warn off a noisy upstairs neighbor. He would sit still for about ten minutes, just long enough for me to start to relax and and lull myself into a false sense of accomplishment. Then he would start in again, doing the Charleston or the Twist or some other dance move that involved a lot of thrashing around. I seriously thought about getting out my twelve gauge shotgun and shooting right through the sheet rock. I figured I could patch the ceiling without too much problem, and it would most certainly be worth it if I could get a good nights sleep. I finally opted to put a mouse trap in the attic and hope that in his travels through the dark regions of the house he would stumble upon it. A few nights after I had set it, with some peanut butter I believe, probably the chunky kind- I think squirrels like something solid to munch on, I was somewhere, the living room or perhaps in bed when I heard the unmistakable sound of the trap going off. I don't believe I'm a mean spirited person, but knowing that the trap had worked gave me an immense sense of pleasure.The smile that I sported would usually be reserved for a somewhat more monumental occasion, but I couldn't help it, I was giddy!Years ago I believe the forest service introduced Martens to the area believing that the squirrels were somehow harming the trees, which were an important asset here.  I guess they found out later that it wasn't the case, but I'm glad that Martens were introduced anyway. Otherwise every house in town might have these midnight marauders. When the boys were young we bought them BB guns. Knowing full well that they would end up shooting living things with them, we gave them instructions that whatever they shot, they had to eat. To the best of my knowledge they never imbibed a cat or robin, but they did kill and eat a few squirrels. One of them even spread the hide of  one of their conquests on the side of the shed out back. If I recall, there were squirrel feet taped on the tops of pencils too. Not sure what happened to the hide. It would have been just big enough to make a dress for a Tarzan Barbie doll I suppose. I guess if you shot about thirty of them and your head wasn't  too big, you could sew them all together and make a squirrel skin cap, kind of like ol' Daniel Boone. You could pretend to be his outcast and often ridiculed dim witted-cousin, Darrel Boone. I'm not sure what eating all that squirrel meat would do to your digestive system, but you probably wouldn't have to worry about mad cow disease.