Wilderness Blues- Ramblings from the Great Land

  When we lived in Hoonah, we knew just about everybody in town. Most folks came to the store where I worked at least once a week. Some folks came several times a week and some came in every day. I guess they wanted to plan dinner based on what we had on the shelves at the time. In any event, in a small town of 850 people, it was hard not to know everyone. My good friends across the street informed me the other night that the neighbor who we had known as Dwight, was in reality Glenn, with two n's. I was only repeating what Jan had told me a few years ago. She had gone and introduced herself to Dwight/Glenn and his wife Maxine. They are about our age, elderly, apparently childless, and pretty much keep to themselves, which is kind of hard to do when you live in a cul-de-sac of 9 homes. How in the world she managed to mangle his name is anyone's guess. Dwight doesn't sound anything like Glenn with two N's. His wife was talking to my friends and mentioned that it was spell...

   The other day I was on my way down to the den when my wife stopped me. She was in the laundry room holding one of my old flannel shirts. Apparently she had just washed and dried it, and was getting ready to put it into the laundry basket to bring upstairs when she had a change of heart.   "Do you want this shirt?" she asked. "Its old and the collar is frayed and there's a rip in it."    I looked at the offending item for a few seconds, and decided it wasn't worth getting in to an argument about, although it was the only blue flannel plaid I had.  She didn't mention all the white paint I had somehow gotten on it, which would have boostered her complaint. I let her toss it in the waste basket and went in to the den. On my way out I glanced at the shirt again and decided to give it a closer exam. I didn't see any rip in it. Granted, the collar was frayed all the way around, and it didn't look nice, but I wasn't planning on wearing it to churc...

  I vividly recall walking in to one of the bedrooms in our house back in Ohio. It was an older home, and at the time the registers to transfer heat upstairs were on either side of the walls opposite each other, one in each bedroom. There were metal vents that could be opened or closed so that you could heat one room, but not the other, if you so desired.   I must have been around two or three years old, and for some reason I had awakened early, before my folks were up. I knew that there was a Santa Claus doll filled with sand in the bottom drawer of a dresser in the room I came in to. I had been told in the past not to play with it because the doll had a small hole in it, and the sand would leak out.   When you're a little kid, Santa is like a hero. He's never crabby, doesn't make you eat broccoli, and even if you're sometimes bad, he seems to have forgotten all that by the time Christmas rolls around, because he's brought you a bunch of toys. He never gives you so...

            I suppose the title probably doesn't line up with the picture when one thinks of peep shows. I did a little research and found out that peep shows have actually been around since sometime in the 1500's. The first known version was traced back to Europe to one Leon Battista Alberti. I think they started innocently enough.  Apparently, a vendor would wonder around the country with a box on their back. Inside the box would be drawings of far off places or miniature figurines, or theatrical scenes or other things of interest. A candle would be lit and for a small fee the customer could look inside the box through a hole. They used to be called Rarees short for rarity shows. In the 1890's, machines were created that projected slides of naked ladies. Go figure They eventually were given the name Peep Shows after a tailor, who allegedly cut a hole in the shutters in order to get a glimpse of Lady Godiva as she came riding by naked on her horse. Wh...

  I came down to the office the other day and opened up my email. I scanned through the usual stuff, most of which was of no interest to me whatsoever. Then I saw I had an email from ED Trick. That's a weird name. Who the hell is ED Trick, and what does he want? I don't know anyone named Ed. The last guy named Ed that I knew was a family friend who died years ago. It finally dawned on me that this was an advertisement for E D- not education- Erectile Dysfunction. What the heck? Why are they sending me this message? I've never asked about it. Frankly, I don't need it, and if I did, I wouldn't be inquiring about it on the internet. I guess because I'm old now, they naturally assume that I'm still interested in sex, which I have to admit I am, and that I need some help, which I don't. Aside from that, whose business is it anyway? I think its weird that nothing is off limits now, even on TV. If you fart a blue streak, there is a pill for that, and a commerci...

I'm a firm believer in the idea that the more gadgets you have, the more problems you're going to encounter. A case in point is a modern car. Not only do they cost as much as a house used to, you can't work on them yourself. I suppose I could change the oil if I wanted to climb underneath it and dismantle the cover beneath the car. Lord knows if I would be able to unscrew the filter and open the oil pan plug. I know that you can't grease the axles because they don't have zirc fittings anymore. I guess if something wears out, you have to buy a new one, at an enormous price. My car, which isn't fancy at all, has a back-up camera, which I love, as well as heated seats, which I'm also very fond of. There is also a feature that allows me to plug in my smart phone, but I don't have one, so I don't use it. At one time, stoves, refrigerators, and washers and dryers used to last twenty or more years. They had one job to do and they did it. They didn't cal...

  Almost every day, either Jan or I will ask the other "what do you want for supper?" I used to come up with a menu for the week, or at least I did for a few times, then I stopped doing it for some unknown reason. As much as I like to eat, you'd think that I could take the time to look in the refrigerator or the freezer and come up with a plan. It's not like we don't have anything to eat. For some reason, all the healthy stuff that I've bought, like the broccoli, lettuce and peppers are just sitting in the refrigerator getting brown and wilty, while the non- perishable canned goods get used up. What's that about? Do we have an aversion to healthy eating now? It almost seems that way. Produce costs too much to throw away. We eat the grapes and bananas pretty quickly, but I have a container of fresh spinach that Autumn gave us that hasn't been touched yet. What gives? I spoke to my friend Buffalo Bob the other day, and he was complaining that he just doe...

     I know that Christmas has come and gone, for better of for worse. Of course now comes the aftermath of having to pay for it all. It's always better to give than receive, until the Visa bill arrives. I'm just glad we don't have to give gifts on New Years Eve. As you can see at the top of the page, we completed the book that documented our trip through some of the southwest states on our way to the Grand Canyon. As I had mentioned in previous posts, Peeing Across America finally came about. We gave a copy to all the kids for Christmas, and the book seemed to be enjoyed. Unfortunately, Autumn got a first hand look at it because I didn't have the technical ability to put it together. So she knew she would be getting a copy for Christmas. Also, we used her pictures, although I had some great ones that probably looked a little bit better, sooo... I won't go in to all the gifts given or received. Let it suffice to say, I think we all had a pretty good Christmas. I had...

    I don't doubt that there are a few people out there who might be panicking because there is only four more shopping days until Christmas, and they still haven't gotten a gift for their one and only. I'd be willing to bet that this isn't the first Christmas that you've been caught off guard. Time flies when you're having fun, and especially if you're down at Kelly's Bar and Grill forgetting all about your obligations back home. I'm primarily addressing this to the male population, as I suspect that your wife or girlfriend has had your gift bought, wrapped and hiding under the bed where it's been for the past month or more.  I know that everyone has a different financial situation to deal with, and unlike the commercials for Lexus or Kay's Jewelers, we can't all fork up tens of thousands of dollars to give our better half a luxury car or diamond bracelet. Not to worry guys, I've come up with the perfect gift; a fire extinguisher. Do...

  As often happens in Alaska, when the skies get clear, winds start to blow. This past Friday night, the wind started blowing harder than normal. The weather channel had mentioned winds in the thirty five to forty five knot range, with possible gusts to eighty. It seemed like they were being a bit extreme, but I know from experience that such hurricane force winds are certainly possible, especially in the winter. As the wind roared outside my window all Friday night, I could hear the glass flexing and branches hitting the side of the house, as well as the trees trying to resist the force of the wind, bending and snapping back in an endless game of stretching to their limits. I spent a restless night, waking frequently, expecting at any moment to see the night light in the master bathroom dark, and the appliances in the house completely still. About six-thirty in the morning on Saturday, Jan said that we'd lost power. I was already awake in anticipation of such an event. I dressed a...

    I guess I'm old fashioned. I still address Christmas cards to friends, near and far. I know that a lot of people have stopped sending them altogether, and I can't really blame them. The cost of just one first class stamp is around 78 cents if I recall. I bought four books of them the other day. The post office that we use has a very limited supply of stamps. You can choose one design for Christmas or go with the old standard, the American flag. I could order them on-line from USPS and enjoy a variety of scenes, but the sap suckers charge me the postage to send the stamps, so I go with whatever this post office has.   It's nice to get any kind of greeting in the form of an email I suppose, but getting a card, something you can look at again and again without fear of erasing it is kind of nice. To me it also shows that someone cares enough to take the time to write a little something and sit down and address the card, and it's nice to know that they think enough of...

  I'm sure most of you have heard of a bender, you know, a wild drinking spree? Well, lately I've been on a spender. Money seems to be running through my fingers like water. For example, Jan and I were with our youngest daughter, Autumn, a few weeks ago. Jan wanted to buy me a recliner for Christmas, which is kind of early, but as it turned out, they didn't have the color I wanted in stock so it was good we ordered it when we did. On the way home I happened to mention that I needed an air compressor. The tires on the garden cart, the two wheel dolly and the snow blower were all in desperate need of air. I tried to move a huge pot of flowers from the front of the house to the side with the two wheel cart and just about got a hernia. The tires were so flat it was like not having wheels at all. Autumn checked on her phone and discovered that Lowes had compressors on sale for $99.00 so I picked one up that evening. What they don't tell you is that they don't come with a...

      This will be the final installment of  my documentary, Peeing Across America. No doubt volumes could be written about our time on the road, and the many stops we made along the way to empty our full bladders, but I don't want to bore the reading audience, so it's best to shake it off, wipe it out and move on. After watching the sun set on the Grand Canyon, we made our way to the Red Feather Lodge where we spent the night. It was kind of a two part lodging facility, something I've never seen before. They had a regular hotel, and a smaller, less fancy, but still fairly expensive motel on the property. Since we were only spending one night and didn't want to finance the next property they wanted to build, we opted for the motel. It was OK. Not great, but it runs in my mind that the shower was good and it did have air conditioning, which frankly was pretty noisy, but I didn't complain. The occupant in the bed next to me was snoring pretty soundly, and when the air...

    As we continued on our journey towards the Grand Canyon, we moved along through the great state of Utah, peeing as we went.  We stopped to take a leak near an old corral. Extra, extra, read all about it, Liz takes a whiz in Virgin. We made it to Springdale, before we stopped again. I can't remember how far away it was, but probably not that far. Surprisingly, I didn't have to go. The girls declared I had a bladder the size of a watermelon, which of course we know isn't true. More like the size of a large grape. Even though there are things like Google Maps and regular maps on the internet, somehow, we figured that if we went down to Zion National Park, close to the town of Hurricane, we could meander up to Arches near Moab in a few hours. Of course we were wrong, not surprisingly. Instead of returning the way we had come, we spent two nights in Hurricane. The girls hiked for the better part of a day in Zion, and later we all took the car to a different part of the par...