The Great Fat Cell Migration

 

One of the more distressing issues of getting older are the various physical changes that I've had to deal with as time marches on, and I get dragged along in its wake. I don't mind a few wrinkles, and having to spend less time in the barber chair doesn't distress me so much, but lately I've been dealing with an ever-expanding gut, and apparently a decrease in the amount of fat in my butt, or so it would seem.

I can't really say for sure that my butt is getting bonier; I can't really see it, but it sure feels that way. It used to be that when I would spend an extended period of time in the car, I would have to remove my billfold to keep from causing an undue amount of pain over the long haul. Now it seems like a short trip to the grocery store, a mere fifteen minutes away, presents the same problem. Just now I removed the offending obstacle from my back pocket so I could write this short article in peace.

At first I thought perhaps it was because my wallet was too full of stuff, like money. Ha, ha, ha, just a little old man humor there. I've never had that problem. I do seem to have an uncommon amount of cards and whatnot stuffed into the various pockets. Of course I have my driver's license, and an organ donor card. I wonder if anyone will want any of my organs after I'm done using them? I have two gift cards that I need to use, as soon as I find something I need, a Fred Meyer's rewards card, a Visa credit card, an Alaska Airlines Club 49 travel card and a Costco Members card. Those are all in the center section. Then I have my library card, a Sportsman's Warehouse member card, an Air Med Care card, in case I need to be medivaced out, two cards showing I belong to two different banks and a business card for C&C auto, the folks who do my oil changes for the car. There is also a laminated card from the State of Alaska saying I am so old I don't have to purchase a hunting or fishing license anymore, a state issued voter's registration card, a Medicare card and another medical insurance card. Fortunately I don't need the two commercial fishing cards I used to carry. They were embossed and added extra bulk to the whole mess.

Is it possible that because I sit down more than I used to, that I'm forcing the fat cells from my butt to migrate to a safer place that isn't subject to abuse, like my gut? I mean, where else do they go? You don't just magically see your butt decrease in size without the fat going somewhere.

I believe there is a surgical procedure that involves taking fat from your butt and injecting it into your lips. I've never heard of a man doing that, but for some reason, certain women seem to think that having big lips is attractive. I wonder if I could take about ten pounds from my stomach and move it to my derriere? It would certainly make riding the exercise bike more comfortable.

 

I was thinking the other day, I should have hung onto the recliner that I got rid of. I might have been able to cut oblong holes in the bottom cushion and mount it on that bike to replace the seat that's there. I might be tempted to ride it longer. As it is, when I get off after a mere fifteen minutes, I feel like I've just climbed Mt. Everest.

If the fat cells do indeed migrate, I wish they would go somewhere that I could brag about, instead of getting lazy and stopping at my stomach. I guess they're getting old and tired too.