Monday, February 23, 2015

Sweltering Pants




















  For those few folks who follow this blog, as you know, I've not been very busy posting here lately. Sorry about that. I can't really explain it, I just haven't felt like writing. I don't know if it's depression setting in or what, but I just haven't had the energy or the desire. Hopefully that will be a passing phase. I was kind of keeping up on one blog periodically,but last time I checked it, it simply said, So Long. I guess the fellow who was writing it just didn't want to do it any more. It does take some effort. In any event, if I should ever decide to give up this blog, I'll try to give the readers a little notice so it won't be like going cold turkey, like when you're giving up smoking or something.
  Today I wanted to write about a piece of clothing that has been around for a number of years; what is commonly known in America as sweatpants. In England, New Zealand, and South Africa they're known as track bottoms. In Australia they're called tracky daks, not to be confused with our 37th president,Richard Nixon who was also known as Tricky Dick for some of the shenanigans he pulled while in office. Of course now, by comparison to our present man in office, he looks like a saint. Anyway, all that aside, I don't like the name "sweatpants". It conjures up images of some kind of medieval torture device. "So... you still won't talk eh? Well, we'll see about that! Igor! Throw this man into a pair of sweat pants until he spills his guts!" Actually, because of their loose design, they shed heat better than say, a pair of Levi's.If that's the case though, why are they called sweatpants?Don't you sweat in them?I have to say, even though they have become quite a popular item of clothing, I hate to see them worn out in public as an item of everyday dress. For one thing, they are very baggy in the legs giving the appearance of wearing a pair of potato sacks. Plus they offer no support whatsoever. There are several men in town who wear them on a regular basis, but I question whether they wear anything underneath. They are much more revealing than I want to see. If you're going to wear sweatpants outside of the home, at least put on a jock strap. It's kind of hard to have a serious conversation when one of the speakers is wearing a pair of sweatpants. Perhaps that's why most corporate offices require a little more formal attire for work. It would be kind of hard to pay attention to the speaker at a conference if he was dressed in a pair of tracky daks, with the goods swinging back and forth like a pendulum in a grandfather clock. Just for the record, I also am against the all too common and increasingly acceptable habit of wearing pajamas in public places. YUCK!  I was just sitting here thinking about what would happen if the good folks at Russel Athletics or some of the other makers of sweatpants teamed up with say, the people of Owens -Corning, the fiberglass
insulation manufacturers to come up with a special pair of sweatpants for folks who think that sweat pants are acceptable attire in public. They could market them as Itchies. At the very least it would be mildly entertaining to watch folks scratching themselves madly.  For years, from the time I was a teen-ager until just a few years ago, I slept in my underwear. I hated to be confined by pajamas. But lately I've been getting cold at night- part of the problem with getting older, probably poor circulation in my legs. Anyway, I've taken to wearing sweatpants at night. They are comfortable, and they do keep me warmer, but I still hate the name. They sound so crude. As a result, I call mine Sweltering Pants. It still conjures up images of hot, perspiration soaked clothing, but I like the name better. In the future though, I may refer to them as Tracky Daks, or Nixons for short.












8 comments:

  1. First of all, sweltering pants sound like you would be roasting in them. And that's just disgusting, the idea of talking to someone whilenot have an use your imagination to know whether or not they're wearing anything underneath. Bahaha!

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    1. It is disgusting Autumn, at least for me. And sweltering pants sound hot too, but for some reason, they sound better than sweat pants- more refined or something. Like walking through a steamy jungle as opposed to sweating freely while sitting in a steam box.

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  2. My grandpa wore only sweltering pants for the last 5-8 years of his life. Granted, he was 94 when he died but still. It was easiest for him to get around and use the bathroom, and my grandma hated them!! But hey, you do what you have to, and I hate being cold when I'm sleeping, so props to you. Oh, and please don't quit blogging. Your wonderful blog is part of what keeps me awake on the graveyard shifts at work!!

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  3. I guess if I was ninety four I'd feel ok if I ran around naked- to heck with what people think! They are comfortable, but Lordy, I don't know why they are considered acceptable attire out in public. I see that you commented while I was safely tucked in my bed, wearing my swelterings. I suppose I'll keep blogging for a bit longer as long as there is somewhat of an audience. Between the frustration with the internet and the need to do something that actually pays, it can be difficult to keep going though. It would be like being a standup comic and not having anyone laugh- what's the purpose? Unless of course you just want to entertain yourself. In any event, thanks for the encouragement.

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  4. Nope, you can't quit yet, Tom, this country needs your humor, especially these days! As for sweats and pj bottoms, I, too, hate to see folks wearing flannel or knit pj bottoms out in public. Not only are they sloppy looking, but it seems like the same folks usually wear grungy slippers with them, and the oant hems drag around on the ground, looking like crap. Okay, done ranting. Your "Itchies" sounds amusing, but thanks to you, I now have to bleach my eyes because of the resulting visual of folks digging and scratching their pendulums,,,,ugh!

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  5. In case bleach isn't available, a good dose of cider vinegar might work Jill. Equally as painful I'm sure. I know that I'll never look at a grandfather clock the same- the bastards!

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  6. This had me busting up. I always sleep in sweats or joggers or pj bottoms...or shorts in the summer. .but at least its not as bad as seein bikers in their spandex!!! Every September theres thousands of bike riders who treck the entire state of iowa...being at the heart of the city we have the unfortunate pleasure of seeing most of them at the hard rock for breakfast after dippin their bike tires in the mighty mo....definitely something to be said bout leaving things to the imagination

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  7. Hey Amber- I guess that spandex could be a bit of a problem to see, but hey, if you're out riding a bike, you probably aren't terribly out of shape, and it would be a lot more pleasant to look at than some overweight buffoon with the flab hanging out over the waistband. I'm afraid I'd have to opt for the spandex crowd.

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