Monday, May 19, 2014

Spam



      It used to be when someone mentioned Spam, they were talking about the meat in the blue and yellow can put out by the Hormel Corporation. Back in the 1930's the good folks at Hormel were left with a dilemma- what to do with all the pork shoulders? I don't know all the particulars, I'm not a butcher nor do I understand the in's and outs of commercial meat processing. When I'm fortunate enough to bag a deer out hunting I cut it up myself, and we don't let the shoulder go to waste. If nothing else it goes into ground meat for hamburgers. On pigs though, I don't know why the shoulders wouldn't have a market, but apparently they didn't, so someone came up with the idea of grinding them up, adding salt, water, and whatever else they put in there-I'm not sure I want to know, and sticking it in a can. Down through the years Spam has been an affordable meal in many a home. I never ate it growing up, but when I bought the Bonnie J and experienced the need to come up with a fast, tasty meal with a minimum of effort, I imbibed. I really like salty things- green olives, saltine crackers, bacon... but Spam kind of goes over the edge in the sodium realm.  I can almost feel my blood pressure spiking after a few bites. However, the spam I have pictured here is what we all receive in our emails every day.  I wish I could can it and sell it to the Chinese or Iranians or Russians or some such group, but they are, no doubt, the purveyors of at least some of it and I'm quite certain they don't want it back. I made a copy of one page of what I got the other day. I hadn't checked my emails for a few days and had in excess of 100 spam messages, which was actually about a tenth of what I've been receiving lately on this blog. I don't understand the reason for all this unwanted correspondence, perhaps they're confusing me with someone who has money and they hope that I'll buy something. Let's see what I've got here.... something from Facebook Su something or other. Fortunately the printer doesn't print out the whole address or I'd go through a whole ink cartridge. Anyway, they're congratulating me for receiving a $100.00 visa gift card if I do something or other. I see my credit is pre-approved  for up to $6874.01. Hmmm... I could really use the money too. Maybe I could buy a spam filter that won't even let it show up on my computer, just dumps it in the trash automatically. Maybe I could call it the toilet and every time a new piece of spam was discarded the sound of a toilet flushing would sound. I got an email from a place called Date Lonely. It says, Contact Easy women for discreet dates. Yeah, ok. I think those are called prostitutes if I'm not mistaken. I got something from Fidelity Life . I can get up to $499,000.00 insurance with no physical exam required. Sounds great. Not sure I could afford the monthly premiums though. I see I can get LASIK Vision on sale for only $299.00 per eye. If they could provide me with a pair of X-ray specs that really worked instead, I might be interested. I've received all kinds of ads promising to make me longer,stronger so on and so forth. I guess I really need to close the curtains when I get dressed. I didn't know anyone was watching. I see that I can Solar Power my home at no cost! Wow, just what I need here in the rain forest. I've got something from John D saying that I've been accepted by Global Who's Who. I should probably take John up on that just to find out who I am. I've heard from a place called Mesh Consultants letting me know that serious complications arise from surgical mesh implants. I'll keep that in mind and remind the doctors if they ever decide to sew me up with chicken wire. Anyway, that's a small taste of the spam that I've received. I'm sure it's not all that interesting since you have your own spam to deal with. In any event, if I'm ever in need of a $30,000 car loan fast, free oil change coupons or male enhancement products, I'll know where to go.

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