Wednesday, October 26, 2016

It's All My Fault!



















Unlike our two leading presidential candidates, I have no problem admitting to my guilt, at least as far as taking responsibility for the way my dog acts. Whenever my kids visit they are quick to point out that Rigby is totally spoiled. I couldn't agree more. I would like to mention in my defense though, that I really didn't want a dog. Not because I don't love them, I do. I used to walk around town with dog biscuits in my pockets just in case I ran in to one, but dogs are a lot of work. They have to be walked and fed and picked up after. When you have a dog like mine whose been robbed of the joy of sex, the only other thing that's left that brings such pleasure is eating. Of course only so much of that food is converted to energy or fat, and the rest ends up on the ground in a recycled form. Because he is quite fond of eating, there is an uncommon amount of pooping going on. That was one of my arguments against having a dog, however I was assured by the only other full time resident of the house that she would take care of it. You can imagine how well that has worked out. I could probably start a business cleaning up after him and the various and sundry other dogs that travel about the town. Tom's Poop and Scoop. The problem would be getting paid. If folks aren't interested in cleaning up after their pets, they probably won't be too interested in paying for my services either. Rigby was just in the office a few minutes ago to let me know that he was ready for his noon snack, a few Milkbone dog biscuits. When Jan comes home for lunch at 1:00, he'll expect another snack. Then throughout the day, whenever he comes in from doing his business outside, he'll expect a couple of baby carrots. I just returned from Costco with a big five pound bag. Of that bag, we may eat a handful of them ourselves, the rest will go to him. When he's being stubborn and wants to stay outside and sniff all the local haunts, we bribe him with an offer of carrots. Usually it works, but sometimes he's so engrossed in what he's smelling that we have to resort to the promise of a piece of cheese. We have to spell out the word cheese if we don't want to cause a scene, and we have taken to referring to carrots as orange tubers so that he doesn't know what we're talking about, in the event that we aren't ready to give him any yet. In addition to the noon and 1:00 snacks, he always has his regular Iams  dog food mixed with either pumpkin or plain yogurt, then when I eat breakfast, he insists on having some cereal (usually corn flakes) but they must have milk on them. Of course breakfast isn't breakfast without some toast, so he gets a few small bites of that, although I'm happy to report that he doesn't like oat nut bread, unless of course it has jelly on it. I don't want his teeth to rot out of his head so I refrain from giving him any jelly. Somewhere around 4:00 PM he starts bothering me about supper.  He's got the most annoying whine I've ever encountered. It's like he's trying to clear his throat or something and he can keep it up for hours. I'm usually able to put him off for awhile with a carrot bribe. If I feed him too soon, he'll think he needs to eat supper again around 8:00 or so. As it is, he gets what amounts to a midnight snack about 8:30 or so.After supper, he gets a piece of cheese surrounding his medicine. He's got a low thyroid condition, just like me, and he won't take his meds  otherwise. Frankly, I'm shocked that he doesn't weigh thirty pounds or more. Fortunately carrots don't add much fat to the diet, although the same can't be said about cheese or toast or perhaps even Milkbones.  In any event, much like Dr. Frankenstein, I'm afraid I've created a monster- who at this very moment is at the doorway doing his throat clearing whine trying to get my attention. Before I have to break out the carpet cleaner, I better tend to business. The fun just never ends.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Let's Speak What's On Our Minds

































































































































































  I kind of enjoy bumper stickers, unless I don't agree with what they're saying, then I just feel like ripping them off or torching them right off the bumper. For a number of years I've had to put up with a sticker pushing the Obama/ Biden ticket. I wanted to puke every time I saw it. I happened to like the people who own the car, although I certainly didn't endorse their choice of candidates. About the only time I had to see it was when I was at the store or sometimes the post office, so it wasn't as in your face as some stickers I've seen. I happened to notice the top two stickers on the back window of a car that was parked at the Catholic church. I'm not sure who owned the car, I was starting to wonder if it might have been a lay preacher or some such thing. The car stayed parked there for several days. I'm not Catholic, but I have to admire a guy who is so behind his second amendment rights. If I had been in any trouble I might have forgone the cops and called him instead. I'm a little surprised at the third statement. It would seem to be something that would be more at home on the back of a Red neck's pickup, but I guess even Red necks want to keep the woods intact. It's kind of hard to hide a still out in a meadow.  I thought the fourth sticker was a little bit of a contradiction. On the one hand the statement is how tough Alaska girls are, like you wouldn't want to cross one, but then it says to choose respect. Perhaps if you tried getting fresh with an Alaska girl she'll  kick your butt up one side and down the other, and then you'd choose respect for her. Not sure how that works. The next two bumper stickers are from a fellow fisherman. He makes no bones about how he feels about conservatives. He claims to hate them. I can't quite follow his logic, but I know that forty years ago he would have been in a constant state of distress because being conservative was the normal. My how the times have changed. I just wish that both sides of the political spectrum would examine the facts before they come to a conclusion. This fellow is pretty outspoken obviously, and doesn't mind letting everyone know how he feels about the charter fishing industry. It's a sentiment shared by many of us in fishing communities. His brother happens to be a charter fisherman and when the cruise ships are in, he is running three different boats around the immediate area competing for the resources. I can only imagine what the dinner conversation is like  around the Thanksgiving table. A road to Hoonah would be kind of a nice thing on the one hand. We wouldn't have to put up with the ferry system anymore. Just today one of the aging ferries broke down in Petersburg. It's the one that I have to catch at 2:30 Thursday morning in to Juneau. I heard that it was back up and running again, so maybe I'll make it over there. Of course roads run both ways, and though it would be wonderful to be able to drive to Juneau and shop or catch a movie or have more than two or three choices of restaurants for dinner, it would open up the area around here to everyone who wanted to spend a weekend hunting or fishing in the local streams. I don't think we have to worry about a road any time soon. The state of Alaska is broke. I just wish they had upgraded the ferry system back when they still had money. For quite a while I was supporting the Wounded Warrior Project. I think our vets need to be treated with respect and if they are hurt in combat, we need to step up to the plate and make sure they get all the medical treatment they deserve. Unfortunately, it seems that some of the funds were being spent on weekend retreats at expensive resorts for the big wigs. It was a real black eye for the organization. I stopped my support and have directed it to other reputable organizations. I love the Go Home and Practice sticker. It's on the back of the car of the school's former music teacher, Bob Hutton. No doubt it's a sentiment that music teachers around the country share. Last but not least, it's always good to remember that even with all the bear attacks, early winter weather, discomfort and inconvenience that we have to endure here, at least we're not down south. We have a half a million people living in a state that is almost half the size of the United States. A good bit of it is drop dead gorgeous, there is great fishing, great hunting and if the caca hits the fan, at least we aren't going to starve to death. Hallelujah!