Monday, November 4, 2013

This Is a Man's World



     I imagine that those looking at this particular post are probably wondering-"what the heck is Botts showing me a picture of a stinking mop for?" Well, I'll tell you why. I have a contract to clean a government building here in town, which of course involves mopping. I needed a mop awhile back when the one I had finally started showing signs of old age. The strings were falling out, I couldn't tighten the hardware any more so the head started flopping back and forth and the handle was developing splinters. My wife happened to be going to Juneau so she picked  me up a new one. Now, I don't mean to be ungrateful. As you know, beggars can't be choosers. That being said, let me just mention that buying a mop is like buying underwear- one size doesn't fit all. It would be nice if it did- then as you got fatter, or in the unlikely event that you lost weight, you wouldn't have to go through your underwear drawer  and start tossing your boxers and briefs in the trash. It seems like a terrible waste, but people kind of balk at the idea of receiving hand-me-down clothes that have been in intimate contact with your private parts. Go figure. Anyway, I was well pleased when I first saw the mop, thinking it would fit the bill. For reasons unknown though, the manufacturer sewed the bottom of the strings. I guess it must have seemed like a good idea at the time, but in my opinion it wasn't. When I was mopping the stick would sway in my hands  like we were dancing. Maybe the handle was made from a rubber tree, I don't know.The mop seemed kind of wimpy to me, and it didn't get into the corners like I felt it should. If I'm going to clean something I don't want it to look just as bad when I'm finished as it did when I started. That being said, when we returned from our trip we had a day's layover in Juneau so I stopped in to Home Depot to pick up some cleaning supplies; you know, Mr. Clean and some window spray. I was passing by the stick goods when I noticed the mop in the picture. Now that was a man's mop- good solid wooden stick, steel hardware and enough strings to make a wig for Dolly Parton. The thing weighed about six pounds before it ever saw a drop of water.  I should have considered that before I bought it, but I didn't. As per usual, I found out after the fact that I should have given the matter a little more consideration. When I first broke it in, I filled the mop bucket and inserted Big Bob.It was so hefty I felt like it needed a manly name. As soon as I lifted it to the wringer, half the water in the bucket was gone. Thunderation! This was one thirsty mop! I somehow managed to shove the whole mop head into the wringer and pushed down on the handle with all my might hoping to remove some of the three gallons of water that had been sucked up. When I tried to lift the handle it didn't want to release and I had to practically stand on the bucket to keep it from tipping while I wrestled with the wringer. When I finally got it loose and started mopping I was amazed at the swath that it covered. With a few passes I managed to mop  half the room. It was like I had a sheet of plywood on the end of the handle. I have to say though that it was quite a workout. To get some idea of what it was like, strap a ten pound bag of potatoes to a five foot dowel and swing it back and forth across the floor. By the time I finished I was sweating a river and had a sore back and bulging biceps, to say nothing of the bulge in my gut that I think was a hernia from trying to lift that mop from the bucket. While I was working I kept hearing that classic song by James Brown- This is a Man's World.  One thing is for certain, this is a man's mop. I just hope I'm man enough to keep swinging it.

12 comments:

  1. That was a good one, I hate mopping:(
    Liz

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  2. Hi Liz- I don't mind...as long as I have the strength.

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  3. Oh my gosh, how did you make mopping funny! That's hilarious! However, I see this is NOT a blog about "pinecone"...for shame. ;)
    Love you!
    Autumn

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  4. You're still doing that?! I'm impressed. I know exactly how heavy those buggars are.

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  5. Good blog dad as always, funny :) Wonder what Noah would think of that mop. Love you

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  6. Hi Autumn.. Well, I guess there's a little humor in most labor. No, no I didn't do PINECONE. I have to delicately figure out a way of coming up with the all purpose seed pod.Just haven't figured it out yet.

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  7. Hi Rene- Yes, as you know jobs for unskilled or slow witted people are few and far between here so I have to do what works for me. Actually the hours are great. In the summer Jan fills in for me and lets me stay out on the water. I'm hoping that this mop doesn't get any heavier with age- or if it does that I at least get stronger!

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  8. Hi Camille- maybe you could send him up to help. He would develop biceps and triceps and become the strongest kid on the playground.

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  9. HAHAHA ya he would be more than willing to help w/the moping, or any other cleaning you have. Big biceps & triceps would not be a bad thing to have on the playground :)

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  10. You better take advantage of it while he enjoys it Camille. It won't be long and helping around the house will be more of a chore than a pleasure.

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  11. Tom, I hope you kept the older mop for Jan, as it sounds like this big bad boy would be too heavy for her to handle! Or else, she'll muscle up and whip your butt with it...Loved this funny post!

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    1. Hi Jill-
      yeah we hung on to it. It was still basically new, just not what I wanted. You're right she might. However with the lighter mop available she might leave the big one alone. I'd hate to come back from a fishing trip and find out she was stronger than me! Hope your trip is going well. Have fun and drive careful.

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