Monday, November 18, 2013

Oops I did it again!



      I'd like to borrow a line from Brittany Spears and say "Oops I did it again." Now,I don't know what Brittany did again. For awhile there she was doing some pretty bizarre things, but I don't think the song is about any of those; of course I could be wrong. The thing I did again, so stupidly I might add, is I managed to cook the Di Giorno pizza without first removing the cardboard. Twice! How can anyone  cook the cardboard with the pizza twice?Somehow I managed to set the timer for the required amount of time for  a soft crust, and I did turn on the oven and took the plastic off. I don't know why I didn't notice the cardboard. I just laid it right on top of the stone wear pizza plate and shoved that puppy in the oven and slammed the door shut. I was actually feeling pretty proud of myself. It was Saturday evening and we were hosting our friends, the Pinards, for a friendly game of rummy. The game usually starts at 7:00 and Jan doesn't get off work until 5:30, so in order to avoid the last minute rushing around of trying to cook, and eat and clean up before they arrived, I thought I would expedite things. Just trying to be helpful. That's my motto. Set my dad's paint brush on fire when he went to get more gas to clean it? Just trying to be helpful Dad- no need to thank me. Rear back with a claw hammer and smack Fred O'Dowd in the head with the claw while tearing apart a pallet board? Hey Fred, just trying to be helpful. Gotta watch where you stand buddy. Can't be too careful ya know. Put a big scrape in my folks 67 Buick Le sabre at the hospital parking lot? Just trying to be helpful. I was. I truly was. Jan had a  medical emergency and she needed to get to the hospital fast. I was only sixteen and had just gotten my driver's license a few months before. My mom insisted that I drive her so of course I did. Every thing went well as far as my driving, at least at first. I pulled in to the parking lot next to a salmon colored Ford or Oldsmobile or something, I don't remember. Anyway, I was pretty flustered by the experience and worried about her and when I pulled out I cut the wheel a little too sharp and scraped the car next to me. It didn't have any damage at all that I could see, but our car was left with a major scrape. I couldn't very well say 'Oops I did  it again' because it never happened before. There's a first time for everything I guess.  I certainly couldn't run the risk of not being able to drive the car again, so I did the only thing cowardly buffoons normally do. I parked the damned car in front of the house and hoped dad wouldn't see the damage. Actually he didn't for about three days. In the interim, my older brother had borrowed the car to go to Columbus. In an uncommon stroke of good luck, something that even then I wasn't accustomed to, Dad didn't notice the scrape until after my brother had returned the car. Of course Dad naturally assumed that my brother had done the damage, which of course  he denied. In that instance I wasn't trying to be helpful to anyone but myself. Anyway, back to the pizza. If you look closely, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will be able to plainly see that the edge of the pizza clearly covers the cardboard, thus making it almost impossible to ascertain it's presence to anyone but superman or some other super hero with x-ray vision. I really think that frozen pizza makers all over the world should put a warning on the plastic covering the pizza reminding their patrons to remove the cardboard before cooking. If they refuse to do that, then at the very least I think that they should offer the pizza consuming public special glasses with step by step instructions on the lenses. Pizza goggles if you will. No doubt such a fine gesture would endear their customers to them and would result in a blossoming bottom line. I can promise you one thing- if I'd been wearing a pair of pizza goggles, I sure wouldn't be writing this post.

6 comments:

  1. Frozen pizza crust tastes a lot like cardboard anyway so no harm, no foul.

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  2. BAHAHAHHA good blog dad.
    Love you

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  3. That was funny Rene'. For those of us unaccustomed to anything but frozen pizza. there is nothing else to compare it to. As the saying goes- ignorance is bliss- at least until you try something other than frozen pizza.

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  4. Hi Camille- glad you enjoyed it. One nice thing about not having a drivers license is that you don't have to worry about wrecking the family car.

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  5. AHAHAH! Sorry, but I seriously can't believe you did that again, and mom thought it was funny too! I think there needs to be a special Botts warning on there! Love you!

    ~Autumn~

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  6. I'm sure there should be a special warning just for me on just about everything, but then how would I be able to afford it?

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