Saturday, January 19, 2013

Beauty and Buffoonery














 Without fail, whenever I answer the phone and my daughter Jen is on the line, her first words are "Hi Dad," and the second phrase is "What are you doing?" I don't know what her response would be if I  told her that I had installed a telephone in the bathroom and was talking to her while I was sitting on the john. I kind of doubt that she would even hang up-she would probably be silent for a minute while she thought of how to respond to that situation and then I think she would ask if I wanted to go on a walk later. It could be blowing a gale with sleet and tree branches being torn from their mooring and she would want to go on a walk. As you can see, on this particular day, I think it may have been January 1 of this  year, the sun happened to be shining. I think it was the last time I saw it until today- eighteen days later. Anyway, it was too nice of a day to stay inside so I decided to go with Autumn and Jen out to the cannery. They had convinced me that all the ice had melted on the sidewalks and it was safe to walk....hmmm, not totally true. I started down the sidewalk until I got to a place of no return, with a guardrail on one side of the sidewalk and a snow berm on the other and as soon as the sidewalk started sloping down like a ski jump, there was a layer of ice. Fortunately I managed to stay on my feet with some deft maneuvering on my part. Had I fallen down and cracked my skull, they would have shown adequate concern for me before launching into uncontrollable laughter. As we walked along I showed them various ways of making forward progress in difficult situations. Last year when I had a bout of Plantars Fascitus I had to drag my bum foot in a skiing motion across the snow, which of  course Jen thought was hilarious. Never once do I recall laughing at her when she tore her meniscus, but let me have a bout of physical discomfort and it's a source of great humor. I'm so like Rodney Dangerfield with my family- I don't get no respect. Anyway, I was demonstrating to the girls the various ways to walk- leaning forward with arms outstretched in a strong headwind, leaning back when the wind is behind you so you can take full advantage of the pressure, a foot-slapping walk when you need to rest from the regular gate on a long walk, a small stepping, little Oriental lady walk when you're going down hill on ice- it also works when you have a Pepto Bismol moment and the urge to go hits you like a ton of bricks and you don't want to take big steps for fear of unleashing the hounds. There are other steps I showed them that they probably shouldn't emulate unless they want to suffer complete humiliation should any passing cars see them doing it. In the second picture, judging by their posture, I believe the girls were in the process of practicing some of the steps I showed them. I stand corrected. Jen just came by the Botts Family Grocery to "borrow" some mayonnaise for tarter sauce. Anyway, she said in the second picture she had just blown her nose and wanted Autumn to check that  no residue was clinging to her face. Alrighty then!

12 comments:

  1. I'm there with you on the "I don't get no respect" litany. This summer Sam and I were walking into the Municipal Center, and somehow I walked *smack! into the glass door. I even managed to crack both my knee and forehead at the same time. My sweet firstborn-and-only 16 yo who's usually so nice burst out in a belly laugh for at least 3-4 seconds before he asked if I was okay. I'm saddened to hear it doesn't improve with age, and that even women in their 30s find great sport in their parents' mishaps :) (Just kiddin' ya girls!)

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  2. "Unleash the hounds." Oh, how I wish I'd thought of that.

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  3. Oh my gosh that was funny!!! That was a gogeous afternoon. The pictures turned out great! In that one Jen had just said, "Do I have anything in my nose?" and was tilting back for me to see! Good times!

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  4. Hi Jill- Sometimes I think it's because we're related that our kids feel comfortable enough to laugh. If it was a stranger there would be all kinds of sympathy- at least until you got out of sight.

    Hi Rene- I had read an article by Greg Gutfeld when he was the editor or Men's Health magazine when he spoke of the train coming to the station but not stopping.I'm sure there are all manner of metaphores that could be used, but the fact is, we all understand the meaning. Thanks for commenting.

    Hey Autumn- yeah, Jen came by to get the mayo- I guess she assumes that we will be prepared with all the things she needs for her dinner- and when she saw the picture she mentioned that you were doing a shnoz check.

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  5. I can relate to the nose check with her. She does it to me all the time! Sounds like you all had fun though!Liz

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  6. HI Liz-
    Maybe we could get Autumn a special pair of lighted magnifying glasses that she could wear just for that purpose- boogie specs. She'd probably be the first in line to buy a pair.

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  7. Boog-check is standard in my family of girls. I'm sure I can live without knowing what boys check for.

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  8. HA HA HA- that was hilarious Rene, I'm still chuckling. It sounds like I may have stumbled upon something with the boogie specs. There might be a larger market than I had realized. Yeah, this is a family friendly blog so we won't discuss what boys check for, but it usually involves girls.

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  9. I think Jen needs to buy us all a pair, then she's prepared with whomever she takes a walk with!

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  10. Good plan Autumn- maybe at next year's annual shoe box dinner at Jen's she'll have a pair wrapped for everyone in attendance. Maybe they could be marketed under a fun name like Shnozzles so that normal people wouldn't be grossed out by the idea of buying someone a pair of booger spectacles.

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  11. Ahaha...I'm down. You should let Jen know the new plan. Perhaps you guys could work together to get a prototype. A couple of magnifying glasses and a pen light.

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  12. Oh my lord I was crackin up readin this one. Shnozzles...wow...the botts brain at work is a marvelous thing. Can't wait to visit...am sure ill return home with all kinds of ideas n prototypes to patent

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