Thursday, September 1, 2011

Blister Packs


What you have before you,as you can see, is an empty package of Lofthouse Delicious Cookies. This package once housed ten frosted lemon sugar cookies. When I came in from fishing several nights ago, two of my daughters, my wife and a family friend were all sitting around the dining room table playing cards and raving about these delicious lemon cookies. I'm not a big fan of lemon flavored things, but I do like cookies... quite a bit. While I ate my supper, they repeatedly reached into the package and imbibed, obviously savoring each delectable bite. At one point our friend,Candy, opened the lid and rearranged the cookies so they wouldn't be out of order. Apparently these cookies were so indescibably delightful, that they had to be treated with the utmost of respect. If you look closely, you can see that the package has special little indentations for each individual cookie to reside in, presumably so that they won't get crushed in handling. It won't be long at this rate that each cookie will have to have its own little pillow, probably made with goose down to insure that no crumbs are knocked loose in transit. Little cookie pillows for premium cookies.The package will be worth more than the product inside. Anyway, after I had finished eating, having listened to a running conversation about these wonderful cookies, I had no choice but to eat one, though as I mentioned, I'm not a big fan of lemon. It was after I decided to try one that the problems began. It quickly became apparent to me that the bakery never really wanted you to eat their product, they just wanted you to look at it. Why else would they stick them in a blister pack? Blister packs are kind of like going to an art gallery. You're welcome to look at the pictures all day long, but there's no way in hell that you're going to be going home with one of them. Much to  the delight of the ladies sitting around the table, I struggled with that pack of cookies for some time. I was in a fine mood until I tried to get one out of the package. It was as if they were taunting me. "Hi- I'm right here in front of you but you can't eat me. Have a nice cookie-less life." I thought about getting out a sharp knife and cutting off the top or maybe grabbing a pair of pliers and prying the lid apart. Similar to my mitten diet idea, the folks that package enticing food in blister packs are ultimately concerned for your health. If you are ever going to gain access to their product, you're first going burn as many calories as you would doing a Richard Simmons work out. By the time you've finally gotten the package open, you've convinced yourself that the contents have got to be exceptionally good, why else would they go to so much trouble to keep you out? One of the gals finally had mercy on me and opened the lid and got one out. Frankly, they were ok, but I didn't find them exceptional. Perhaps they were lady cookies. Maybe men were never meant to eat them. That would explain the blister pack that only women can open.

8 comments:

  1. I'm sorry dad, but that was hilarious! At one point we thought about getting some super glue and gluing the package together with one or two cookies left in there! :)

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  2. haha...damn you blister packed cookies with your lemony goodness..

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  3. you can look but don't touch hahahah

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  4. I see that you are all so sympathetic to my plight. I imagine that if I were on the verge of dying from starvation and the only food available was locked in a blister pack you all would sit around and laugh while I tried to get it open- using the last of my energy in a futile attempt to get food. Really compassionate girls, really compassionate.

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  5. OH dad you know we would help you if that were the case. Love you

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  6. Yeah, we probaly WOULD help you, but only after laughing a little first. I'm sorry, but that was so funny, you were getting so frustrated, "Consarn it!"

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  7. OMG...I'm reading through old posts at almost 2 a.m. and hafta be up in less than 4 hrs...but I can't stop reading..it's busting my ass up!!!!!!!

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