Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fat Boy Pants

I have a most unusual dilemma today. Because of all the fish being caught, the cold storage is plugged full and are unable to buy the salmon that I caught yesterday and would like to catch today. As a result I have an unexpected, and I might add, unwanted, day off. I'll be getting plenty of time off this winter, so I would rather not have a day off foistered on me, but as one person I knew used to say- " people in hell want ice water too." Oh well. I'm trying to make good use of my time and do another blog post, even though I did one yesterday. Today, I decided to write a little blurb about my clothing, more specifically my pants. Don't worry, I'll try not to get too graphic. Last month I had a birthday, and my daughter Autumn blessed me with a generous gift certificate to my favorite store- Tideland Tackle Co. I decided to buy a pair of pants which I desperately needed. I have several pairs in the closet that have holes in the pocket, so that while I'm walking around, I can all at once feel various objects like my pocket  knife sliding down my pants leg and into my boot. To say the least it's uncomfortable to walk around with large objects in your boots. I was afraid that on one of my trips to the boat I might be stopped by a tourist offering me money, thinking that by my shabby dress I might be  homeless. Actually, the few homeless people I know of in town dress better than me. No doubt the locals would have to come to my defense and explain-"Oh he's not homeless, he's just a fisherman." Anyway, several weeks ago I proudly took my gift certificate in and purchased a pair of Carhartts- premium pants for the working man. They used to advertize that even a Grizzly bear's teeth couldn't penetrate the tough fabric of these pants. I really like these pants... they have a double layer of cloth at the knees and are double stitched and even riveted. You've got to love pants that have rivets in them. If you were working on, say, a bridge or skyscraper and ran out of rivets, you could take off your Carhartts, place a girder into one of the legs to hold it in place, and keep right on working. I was thinking, if the good folks at Carhartts added some heat shrink material to their dungarees , you could use them wherever you wanted to bond two surfaces together in a semi- permanent way. It might come in handy  for an emergency repair on like railroad tracks that have parted. I should probably give the pants people a call with my idea. No doubt I'll be awarded millions, or at least a free pair of pants.
  I bought size 36x30. I used to wear a 34x31, but I think the downward pull of gravity is shrinking me and the extra inch of length got bottlenecked at my waist and compounded.  I don't know how else to explain it. The bad part of wearing a size 36 waist pants, is that the legs are big enough that I could put both of my legs into one hole, which of course would make walking very difficult. I think if they are going to put that much space in the pants leg, they should put pockets on the inside. Then if you don't need the space for your fat legs, it isn't going to waste. I had to buy size 36, even though I think I'm more like a 34 1/2 or 35. Of course they don't make size 34 1/2 or 35, so I end up cinching my belt tight to keep my pants from dropping to dangerous levels and making everyone ill. The end result is that the top of my trousers look like a draw string trash bag that someone has pulled tight. This results in my gut hanging out over the top of the belt like an overstuffed sausage casing. There's no happy medium. Either I'm tugging them up all day, or I'm struggling to breath. Nonetheless, I really love these Fat Boy Pants. I even came up with a slogan... Fat Boys- for men who can face the truth.
 Lest I forget, I should mention that the model in the pictures is Donna Austin, Dave's wife. Together they make a great team and have really made Tideland Tackle the outstanding store that it is. I must say though Donna, if you read this- you really should move those kids shirts away from the Michael Baits hoochies and gaff hooks. They might cover up some really good fishing gear.

15 comments:

  1. Glad you got some new pants dad, and I love the slogan!

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  2. Size 36 isn't fat boy pants... My left thigh wouldn't fit into 36's...

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  3. lol Dad...genius slogan, I am sure. Fat Boy pants....perhaps they could find a cardboard cut out of Chris Farley or John Candy to wear them for advertising purposes. Love ya....AJ

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  4. Hmmm....been a week...havin to go through ooooooooold posts to get my fix...read through all of them from this year..might hafta go through some from 2010 now;-)

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  5. silly Autumn dont you know that papa bear is busy out getting his fix fishing.

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  6. Hi everyone- thanks for the comments. It's nice to know you're reading the blog. I guess size is reletive Todd. For me the 36's are on the large size. If you make it down this way you're welcome to try them on- as long as I'm not wearing them of course. I wonder if the good folks at Carhartts make underwear- it would be reassuring to know that a Grizzly bear's teeth couldn't penetrate your underwear. If it had the added benefit of built in floatation,you could feel practically invincible in almost any situation- attacked by a bear - no problem.Fell overboard while fishing- not to worry. I think I'm on a roll. I wonder if Carhartts has a 800 number...

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  7. dad the # is probably 1 800 carhart

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  8. I just wouldn't pass gas in those undies...could be trapped for a while! "Hmmm, these Carhart undies are feeling a little snug!"

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  9. passing gas in those undies will help keep you afloat

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  10. Haha...those undies might need like...a flap at the back...like those old style underoos....allow some of that excess gas buildup to escape so you can avoid possible fire in your pants! Not sure if they're fire proof. Suppose one could always find out! Waitin waitin waitin for another post...

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  11. A couple Christmases ago we had all the kids at home. Little did I know two of them were sitting side by side Facebooking each other about Mom in the kitchen. I mean, really; some stuff just should never make it to the web. I feel for ya, man. :)
    Rene'

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  12. LOL, Rene', he raised us! :) Where do you think we all get our sense of humor!

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  13. wow o wow..that's some funny shiznit right there....didja ever find out the 1-800 # for Carharts....a company such as that can never have enough ideas out there to fall back on..

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